ACT 1 – SCENE 3
(MIFFLAN’S BAR: DOWNTOWN MANHATTAN:FRIDAY MID-AFTERNOON COLIN SITS ALONE AT THE BAR DRINKING. DEANNE ENTERS, TAKES A MOMENT TO SIZE UP THE SCENE, CHOOSES A SEAT NEXT TO HIM AND REACHES FOR AN ASHTRAY.)
(As Deanne approaches a stool she asks the bartender for a drink)
DEANNE
Can I get a Maker’s rocks, water back please? (Reaches for ashtray) Sorry.
COLIN
What are you sorry for?
DEANNE
Excuse me?
COLIN
What are you saying, you’re “sorry” for?
DEANNE
It’s just words.
COLIN
That’s the point… “Just words” doesn’t mean shit. If you throw away all your “I’m sorries” to strangers at bars, you’re not gonna have nothin’ left if you ever mean it.
DEANNE
For Christ’s sake.
COLIN
Don’t “for Christ’s sake me” like you’re so fed up. I’m not your boyfriend. I’m not your husband.
DEANNE
(Incredulous) Hey, YOU’RE starting with me! I’m sitting here, and I’m trying to show you some respect, when I had to reach across…
COLIN
My face.
DEANNE
It wasn’t your face!
COLIN
It was my face.
DEANNE
I didn’t reach across your face! I’m sorry!
COLIN
There it is again. What did you do then?
DEANNE
I don’t know. I don’t give a shit. Your chest..your place..forget it…I wish I hadn’t said a word. Give me that ashtray and go away.
COLIN
I’m not going away. I picked this chair because I want to be right here.
DEANNE
Well you picked that chair, and you’re picking a fight, and you can pick your nose for all I care, cause I’m staying the hell here too. So don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me.
COLIN
How can I not look at you?
DEANNE
(Lights a cigarette) Fuck this.
(LONG SILENCE)
COLIN
How can I not look at you?
DEANNE
Just keep that bowling ball you call your head facing that-a-way…toward the pins.
COLIN
(Takes a moment, reacting to her slam) You’re missing the point.
DEANNE
What’s your point? This should be good.
COLIN
You’re good to look at.
DEANNE
(Sarcastic) Oh, do you think?
COLIN
Funny. I’m bein’ nice now.
DEANNE
Don’t be nice.
COLIN
I’m not bullshittin’. I think you’re a great looking person.
DEANNE
I don’t care what you think.
COLIN
You should.
DEANNE
Should what?
COLIN
You should care what I’m saying to you. I started out caring what you said to me.
DEANNE
Yeah? Well shut up more. Care less.
COLIN
You say shut up a lot? (Deanne doesn’t respond) You shouldn’t say shut-up to people.
DEANNE
So according to the laws of… (Indicates she doesn’t know his name)
COLIN
Colin. What do they call you?
DEANNE
Deanne. So according to, Colin something, and his great best-seller, THE TALKIN’ LAWS, you’re never supposed to say, I’m sorry, and you’re never supposed to say, shut-up, and you NEVER NEVER reach for an ashtray across somebody’s…
COLIN
Face.
DEANNE
SPACE! Instead, he says that…no he advises that you…
COLIN
I’m just sayin’ that people should pay attention to what they say. That you should.
DEANNE
You should.
COLIN
I was interested in you. So I paid attention.
DEANNE
Well, that’s a nasty-ass way to pay attention to a “great lookin’” person like me. Lemme tell ya great pundit, you’re style of attention needs work. You know it might do you a lot of good to read Colin something’s new one. The Talkin’ Laws. Have you heard of it?
COLIN
No, but I’m nuts about your first one, Keep Pushin’.
DEANNE
Move if you don’t like me.
COLIN
I do.
DEANNE
(Breaks into sarcastic laugh) I now pronounce us man and wife.
COLIN
I bet you’ve heard those words a lot.
DEANNE
Now, see here Colin- the- colon, I was just gonna warm things up, and you start slamming me again.
COLIN
You’re not married?
DEANNE
You’re saying I’m the promiscuous bride?
COLIN
I’m not callin’ you a slut. I asked you if you were married?
DEANNE
Then why would I be here NOT flirting with you? And I didn’t say “slut”, I said promiscuous.
COLIN
If the rubber fits?
DEANNE
(Stunned a minute) You’re funny. You got a mouth on you.
COLIN
(He reaches to put a finger on her mouth) You got a mouth too.
DEANNE
(Grabs his wrist to remove his hand) Hey, don’t touch me. (Long pause) So what is it…do we like each other or not?
COLIN
(Takes his time) We’re interested. Kinda curious.(She’s obviously put off by his restrained response) What’s up? Need time to reload?
DEANNE
I got all the ammo I need.
COLIN
I can see that.
DEANNE
That’s good.
COLIN
You’re good.
DEANNE
I am good.
COLIN
How’d you get so good.
DEANNE
Good teachers I guess.
COLIN
Like who?
DEANNE
Oh I’m my father’s daughter.
COLIN
Took you under his wing, huh?
DEANNE
Yeah, something like that.
COLIN
Yeah, my old man taught me good, too.
DEANNE
I don’t know what we’re talking about anymore.
COLIN
You don’t know , or you don’t like what we’re talkin’ about.
DEANNE
Both.
COLIN
Hey, I tried.
DEANNE
(Silence) That’s it? You’re done?
COLIN
Why should I keep going? I don’t know when the next unkind thing is gonna come outta…
DEANNE
Did I just hear you right? Did you just use the word unkind?
COLIN
Yeah.
DEANNE
Now you just don’t seem like that kinda guy.
COLIN
Whaddaya mean by that exactly?
DEANNE
Kind? Unkind?
COLIN
What’s your point?
DEANNE
Well, I didn’t take you for such a soft-hearted little lamb.
(Colin makes a sudden shift)
COLIN
Who the fuck told you to “take me” for anything? Huh? We go a few rounds for ten stinkin’ minutes in some lousy bar and you think you know a thing about me? ”I didn’t take you for a”… You better get the safety fixed on that mouth of yours.
DEANNE
(Deanne listens passively to his rant) So, there’s something then?
(Musical Bridge NOW YOU’VE DONE IT) Colin places a phone number in Deanne’s Blouse)
End of scene
Tags: 22 caliber mouth, broadway, Broadway music, broadway script, Dynamic Theatre, Lauren Robert, musical, Musical theatre, off broadway, stage play, Theatre Workshop