Book By Lauren Robert/ Music by Lauren Robert/ Lyrics By Lauren Robert

additional music and lyrics by Timothy Warmen

SYNOPSIS

.22 Caliber Mouth is about the danger and power of words spoken, and the secrets that go unsaid. This is revealed to us through five broken and isolated people who when life brings together, are forever changed.

When Deanne Campino and Colin Maitlin meet in Mifflin’s bar in New York City one late afternoon, their union ignites a far too-familiar attraction and slap- and- tickle repartee’ borne of their shame-filled secret pasts. Yet, life’s mysterious timing looms large and their meeting sparks in each a hope that this time the terrible secrets that have shaped their lives might lay dormant long enough to release them to “have something”…together.

The play is ultimately about their struggle to escape the shipwrecks of their pasts and the effort to sustain enough hope to want to reach for something better.

The story holds that possibility for oneof the characters while the other is propelled by the demons of the psyche to repeat their tragic beginnings.

Three other characters complete this ensemble. Deanne’s sister Ronnie Campino manifests her own psychic injury in a dissociative way that isolates her from the world and alienates her from her sister and herself. In act II, Ronnie’s persistent attempts to connect with Deanne, force a life-changing confrontation in which Deanne insists that childhood truths be revealed. Frankie Canton, Deanne’s drug- addled, street -savvy friend from their days together in psychiatric hospitals, brings humor and a contorted form of nurturance to Deanne’s life.

Frankie conducts business from his Central Park bench office with his prostitute friend, the beautiful, transvestite, Carmel. The hopeful Carmel tries to fend off the pull of Frankie’s downward spiral. She struggles hard against her own weariness and longings for their “glamorous” past as support staff for the prizefighter Joe Frazier.

A final convergence of the five characters at a party thrown by Deanne (her first reachfor joy in years) is where the action culminates in devastating revelations that change the course of the characters lives.

MUSIC

Thirteen songs weave their way through this drama. The songs are extremely integrated with the text. They provide more access to the hurt, pain and yearning of the characters than their aggressive and defended dialog allows.

CAST BREAKDOWN

Deanne Campino: early 40’s, bright, attractive, educated, manic-depressive

Colin Maitlin: late 40’s,sexy, world-weary, hungry, secretive, incendiary

Ronnie Campino (Deanne’s sister): late 30’s, heavy, adapted, lonely

Frankie Canton (Deanne’s friend): 30-40, homeless, colorful, drug dealer, pimp

Carmel: 30-40, street-wise yet optimistic, male transvestite

You gotta know how to use it. Some people really do, and I’m one of them. My skill transcends the emotion of the moment, and that’s not easy when you’re under attack…you might know that. But it’s my cool in the hottest circumstances; my ability to think and feel that gives me one hell of an edge.

It’s hard to know how I got so good.. Well, my father. Now there’s someone who knows how to avail himself of this most commodious tool…you’re thinking commode…but that’s not what it means. Anyway, he can take the most stale, moth-eaten, hackneyed piece of old armament and absolutely decimate the object of his desire. I know, desire is puzzling…but that’s the rackety nature of this weapon. It can maim, even kill the very thing you desire…even love the most! You can HURT THE THING YOU LOVE THE MOST! Listen to me, the thing. I’ll just say it. The person. Yes, flesh and soul and eyes and heart, destroyed. I am the proud owner of an extremely lethal weapon.

COLIN
Deanne. One thing ..one side of a person… doesn’t preclude the other.

DEANNE
Right there.

COLIN
What?

DEANNE
That should have been the “tell”, right there.

COLIN
What are you talkin’ about?

DEANNE
The words. Your thing about words. The way you suddenly use some sophisticated word in an otherwise unimaginative arsenal.

COLIN
What are you talking about? It was my talk that brought us together.

DEANNE
It wasn’t the language you spoke, you filthy creep.

COLIN
No more name-calling.

DEANNE
It was the unspeakable that drew me to you. It was that brand on your forehead! Like the one on mine. BROKEN! All those guys..All that getting it wrong. I waited and I tried to watch, and then I tried again. But I guess I still had one more scumbag to go.

COLIN
Stop it. Shut up.

DEANNE
One more desperate, sick predator to go..before…

COLIN

Before what?

DEANNE
Before I could FINALLY learn that the smell of the familiar is a stink!

COLIN
Shut your filthy mouth, God damnit.! That other thing has nothing to do with us.

DEANNE
What other thing? It’s all the same! You’re all the same! You’re a shameful, twisted thief!

COLIN
Don’t call me those things! Christ, that mouth!

DEANNE
I want you to leave.

COLIN
You don’t know how this thing works on me! Always pushing and prodding like he did!

DEANNE
I don’t deserve this any more!

COLIN
DESERVING has nothing the fuck to do with it!

DEANNE
This wasn’t right from the first sick minute.What you’d think you were gonna steal from me? Im an empty house! I was cleaned out long before you ever showed up!

COLIN
Maybe it’s impossible for us! But I tried with you! I saw a chance with you. There’s still something left in you! I could see it! I wanted some too.

DEANNE
There’s nothing here for you, you bastard. Leave me alone!

COLIN
Just like that? Take those shots from that weapon you call your mouth, and leave you alone! That’s how it works? Not where I come from.(Menacingly shoves her backwards)

DEANNE
( Pushes him back) GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!

COLIN
SHUT-UP. (Grabs her by the neck and shoves her up against a wall)

DEANNE
Please…don’t.

COLIN
That’s exactly what I said too. (Drags her violently to the door) You know, if I removed the door handle from the inside of your door right here? If you couldn’t turn it from the inside? You couldn’t get out! Right? You see that? (She is struggling against him ,but his rage is unleashed) (In a choke hold, with her kicking, he drags her to the stove) And this stove that you haven’t touched since the day you moved in here? Well, those burners get real hot… that’s why they call them “burners”…and if I wanted to make you do
something you didn’t wanna do, that stove would make you obey me. Don’t you think Deanne?

DEANNE
(Still trying to fight him off) It was terrible yes! It was terrible for me too, but…

COLIN
(He throws her to the floor, grabs her hair and her body from behind, forces her head up to face the clock on the wall) And when’s the last time you really thought about how your clock works? You don’t like to think about that Deanne do you..Tick….tock…tick…tock. Do you know about the cruelty of clocks? How they play tricks on you when you’re suffering? They won’t budge! Those hands will not move! They’ll lock on to one second…the worst second of your life..and keep it there like an endless fall to hell. Do you remember that about clocks? Is that why you don’t like to think about them?

DEANNE
But when it stopped…( She breaks free of his grasp. He is on his knees. She turns to face him)

COLIN
What stopped?

DEANNE
What they did. It was finally over. We were kids…It stopped a long time ago. Hurting people keeps it alive in you! You have a choice! (Almost tenderly, she holds his face in her hands)

COLIN
The hell I do! I live it every fucking minute. I’VE TRIED! (He frantically tries to crawl away)

DEANNE
( She goes after him, tackles him and turns him over) I thought hating everything was trying! Till you. We have the choice to end it! Let it go!!!

COLIN
THIS IS WHAT I AM ! He won’t leave me the fuck alone! (he flips her over on her back and mounts her violently) You see your bed over there? Are you familiar with the sound of those bedsprings? The laboring, tired, old, cranky bed springs that strain and get mad at you every time you lie on them? And they really hate you when you fuck on them. I love that sound. I love making them mad. Cause I didn’t hear those bedsprings. HE made me get on the cold floor in the closet instead , cause it was quieter…It was so hard and I begged him for blankets…but he said we didn’t need no blankets cause I WAS SOFT ENOUGH!!!! (He begins to unzip his pants..he is going to rape her)

( FRANKIE BURSTS INTO THE ROOM. HE IS HOLDING A GUN. HIS HAND SHAKES VIOLENTLY AS HE TRIES TO KEEP IT POINTED AT COLIN)

FRANKIE
I knew to come back. I was always comin’ back, Dee. DEANNE?

DEANNE
Frankie, no!

COLIN
C’mon shaky. Put little brother down right now and I’m gone.

FRANKIE
Oh Jesus…
COLIN
You gonna use that phone and call the cops, Deanne?

DEANNE FRANKIE
No cops! No cops!

FRANKIE
What should I do, Dee?

COLIN
(To Frankie) You gonna tell her who introduced us tough-guy?

DEANNE
No more Frank! Put the gun down! I want him out of here!
(Deanne and Colin stare at each other for a moment)

(Frankie slowly lowers the gun. Colin stands…He and Deanne’s eyes lock for a moment. Colin reaches to touch her and she moves away. Colin then slowly exits)

(Silence) (Deanne begins to cry)

FRANKIE
(Still standing with the gun) What are you doing?

DEANNE

Nothing.

FRANKIE
Who the hell’s gonna miss him? ( He is strung out. He stands there while Deanne cries a moment more.)(Nervously fidgeting with the gun in his hand) Jesus, look at the tremelo in my hand.

DEANNE
(Slowly coming back to the present)You’re gonna have to get rid of that, Frankie.

FRANKIE
(Shakes his head in disgust) Carmel said she was going home to get me some valium…like I’m ever gonna see any of it.

DEANNE
Leave it with me.

FRANKIE
(Shaking in need of drugs) No. Christ, why don’t you have any Xanax or Valium or somethin’ DEANNE!

DEANNE
(Extends her hand to reach for the gun)

FRANKIE
I gotta get somethin’ in my system, Dee. (Hesitatingly, slowly places the gun in her hands) I’m gonna go into cardiac thromboside if I don’t score something very very soon, like now.

DEANNE
Go ahead. Go to the park.

FRANKIE
Want me to turn the television on?

DEANNE
Uh-huh.
FRANKIE
Want me to come back, watch you sleep tonight?

DEANNE
No.

FRANKIE
Okay. I’ll be back in a flash, Dee.

DEANNE
What are you doing here?

RONNIE
Nice greeting, Deanne. I walked.

DEANNE
I told him never to let anybody up here…

RONNIE
I’m not anybody.. and you still don’t lock your doors…That door was…

DEANNE
Don’t explain it!
RONNIE
The door was unlocked.
DEANNE
I asked you to stop it.

RONNIE
I’ve been waiting for you, Dee

(They stare at each other for a moment)
.
DEANNE
I can see that, Ronnie.

RONNIE
Well, am I welcome ?

DEANNE
I don’t know.

RONNIE
Nevertheless, I’m here.

DEANNE
You’re here. (Deanne throws down her purse, goes to the sink counter and pours a shot of Bourbon, takes a pill, then returns to the bed to stare at the television)

RONNIE
How’ve you been feeling?

DEANNE
With my hands.

RONNIE
(Contained hot) You know you really do take advantage of my good nature. I’m here for a reason little sister.

DEANNE
Could that little outburst just have been construed as..watch out..I’m gonna say it…anger?

RONNIE
NO. It’s annoyance. It’s the way someone feels when someone is RUDE and unwelcoming. I’ve
always been the one tracking you down and trying to visit you ever since your thing, Deanne. And I’ve earnestly…in my heart cared about you. There’s a reason I…

DEANNE
Don’t talk to me about your heart.

RONNIE
Why not?

DEANNE
Because it makes me think about how hard it is to make it work.

RONNIE
What’s that supposed to mean?

DEANNE
You know exactly why I don’t want to think about that.

RONNIE
Well, don’t think about it then! Think about this. Daddy’s in trouble. He’s very sick.

DEANNE
There’s nothing new about that.

RONNIE
Not that kind of sick. He’s…

DEANNE
Do you still call him “Daddy” to his face?

RONNIE
I don’t know. I don’t think about it. Did you hear what I said?

DEANNE
(Tries saying it herself) Daddy. Daddy? Hi Daddy. Hi Dad. Daddy?

RONNIE
(Cuts her off) Deanne!

DEANNE
So, what’s up with “Daddy”.

RONNIE
He’s in the hospital.

DEANNE
Since when.

RONNIE
I only just found out, last night…late…from Mrs. Marshall. She and Mr. Marshall were walking
and they saw him in the back near the small shed.

DEANNE
What was he doing near the small shed?

RONNIE
He was just lying there.

DEANNE
Napping?

RONNIE
No, not napping?

DEANNE
Are you gonna keep telling me this like it’s a Hitchcock film, Ronnie?

RONNIE
Well, are you gonna keep interrogating me like an episode from Perry Mason? Lying there!

DEANNE
That’s all the bum does anyway. He lies around! So this time it was in the grass…so what?

RONNIE
Don’t be so cruel, Deanne. I’ve been afraid for you to know this…what happened.

DEANNE
(She returns to the sink to pour another bourbon) What was he doing? Taking a little snooze after trying to “do it” to that good- looking Rotweillor next door and it bit his dick off? What was he doing ,Ronnie? What was he doing!

RONNIE
Shut up! He shot himself in the head! He used that gun he’s had in the corner of his closet for the last
fifty years and he shot himself in the head, Deanne! He put a bag over his head and he shot himself.

DEANNE
So…did they find a bag of head near the shed? Was it dead?

RONNIE
See. See how you are, Deanne? This is what you do. What you’ve always done. And it does NOT
serve you well.

DEANNE
It does not serve YOU well.

RONNIE
I can’t believe we’re even related! Are you so dead inside that you really have no feelings about what I just told you? I’m not making this up, Deanne. It’s not a joke. Your father just tried to kill himself.

DEANNE
Your father just tried to kill himself.

RONNIE
It gets worse.

DEANNE
What, his body got up and started walking up and down the neighborhood, and little Tommy Nidle and his friends started using him as a piñata? (Deanne nervously laughs to herself)

RONNIE
Stop it! ( pause) He’s alive. But there are massive wounds to his head and face. He’s
on a breathing thing…and bandaged like a mummy. They say his brain is still…well, intact for the most part.

DEANNE
So.

RONNIE
So? So..I think we both need to go see him. Now. Tonight.

DEANNE
I “need” no such thing.

RONNIE
Then you should see him. And I want to see him.

DEANNE
Listen, big sister. I abdicated the “shoulds”. I had to pull time in a looney bin to do it…but one of the perks of that “thing” that happened to me is that I’m off the hook. For all of it, Ronnie! I don’t do “shoulds”. I cant feel “wants”. And my meds take care of my “needs”. (long pause) Look I can’t be trusted to go. I don’t know what I’d say. You don’t know what I’d say. Doesn’t that scare you? It scares me.

RONNIE
Well, at least it sounds like you care a little.

DEANNE
It doesn’t scare me…it concerns me. For my own well-being. Nobody elses.

RONNIE
(A long pause before speaking) I think we should practice.( Deanne returns to staring at the TV) We should rehearse it, Deanne. Like they do with a play. We could practice with some pillows or something, as him. Then maybe you’d be ready? It would probably be good for me too, Deanne.We’d be ready then. And we could show up. We could see him, together. We could help each other.

DEANNE
Help each other? Now you think so?

RONNIE
God, he tried to kill himself! In that horrible disgusting way!

DEANNE
That’s right. And he shouldn’t be rewarded for that by a visit from his two lovely daughters.

RONNIE
(Begins to break down) Can’t you take something? Isn’t there anything in that pharmacy of yours that kicks your compassion in a little?

DEANNE
(In earnest) It must be terrible.

RONNIE
Do you mean that?

DEANNE
I mean everything I say.

RONNIE
(Hopeful, warming) Well, what is it? Is it part of your disease? Is it something I’ve done? What makes you so mean to me? (Ronnie starts to gather pillows from the room, arranging them as “Daddy’s body”.

DEANNE
Nobody’s exempt. (Noticing the pillows) What are you doing?

RONNIE
We’re gonna “practice”. C’mon…let’s play. Do this with me.

( Long pause as Deanne considers the implications and dangers of this “game”.)

RONNIE
C’mon. C’mon. Please, Deanne.

DEANNE
(She considers it for a long time) Okay. We’ll visit “Daddy”.

RONNIE
Okay, let’s come into the room.

DEANNE
I don’t think you mean this all so literally do you?

RONNIE
So, you don’t want to do it?

DEANNE
(Quietly) I do. I do..I do!

RONNIE
Then come on.

DEANNE
It feels too crazy to go out and come in, though.

RONNIE
That feels too crazy for you, huh? (Long pause between them) All right. I, of course, am already with him. You just arrive now. (Deanne exits the apartment and closes the door. Ronnie stands alone uncomfortably, staring at the “body” on the floor. Too much time passes and Deanne does not re-enter)

RONNIE
(Yells) Are you coming, Deanne!

DEANNE
(She enters) Shhh! We’re in a hospital.(Looks at the “body”) Are you sure this is him?

RONNIE
What are you doing, now?

DEANNE
Are you sure we have the right room? I mean look at this guy! With those bandages and all that crap he’s tied to he could be anybody.

RONNIE
(Tentatively approaches the “body” and speaks) Deanne’s here, Daddy.

DEANNE
(Nursing a bourbon) Here we go.

RONNIE
(To “body”) This is a terrible thing that happened to you.

DEANNE
It didn’t “happen” to him. He did it. (To the “body”) You did it didn’t you.

RONNIE
(To “Daddy”) How are you feeling? (To Deanne) Maybe you should come closer.
(Deanne doesn’t move) You’re not saying anything.

DEANNE
Disconnect one of those tubes in his mouth and I’ll talk to him through that.

RONNIE
Funny. (To “daddy”) We’re so terribly worried about you Daddy. Aren’t we Dee?…Dee!

DEANNE
Oh yes. Deeply worried. Profoundly concerned.
(Silence. Frustrated, Ronnie stays quiet. So does Deanne. The impasse is broken by Deanne’s line) DEANNE
I need another bourbon.( Deanne steps on the “body” as she moves to sink. She trips on “the head”)
(To the “head”)You want one, Carl? I could pour it directly into the hole in your head?

RONNIE
Deanne!
DEANNE
(She picks up the pillow “head” and carries it to the kitchen bar)(To Ronnie) You’re right.(To “head” in her arms) I’m sorry…I should show you what I have first. See anything you like? You hungry? I got peanuts.(Looks at Ronnie who sits horrified and throws the “head” to her)

SM She throws the pillow at Ronnie.

DEANNE
Catch. ( It hits Ronnie in the head and she restores it to the”body”)

RONNIE
This is supposed to be for him, not you.

DEANNE
(Returns to the edge of the bed near “Daddy”, lifts her glass of bourbon to him) Bottoms Up.
Hey, this is fun…he finally can’t do anything.

RONNIE
What?

DEANNE
You don’t know?

RONNIE
If you’ve been worried…maybe you could start by telling him that.

DEANNE
(There is quiet. Deanne slowly rises, goes to “Daddy” and bends down at the foot of the pillows)
Okay. I’ve been worried about you, you fucking bastard. I’ve always been worried about you.

RONNIE
(Nervous) What are you doing now?

DEANNE
I’m telling him. And I’m telling you.

RONNIE
I think you better take something.

DEANNE
(Mock concern) Everything’s back at my apartment…I don’t have anything on me.

RONNIE
(Sarcastic)Well, if this is a hospital, then find a nurse. Maybe she’ll give you something.

DEANNE
Good, Ronnie.

RONNIE
No, not good! Not good at all. None of this is funny. I don’t talk that way. You do! You want me to talk that way. You want me to always carry a weapon like you!

DEANNE
You’re pretty well-armed.

RONNIE
And hate him like you do.

DEANNE
You should hate him. Not just because I want you to.

RONNIE
Now look who’s saying “should”.

` DEANNE
He robbed you too, Ronnie. I know you can’t bear it but he robbed you too.

RONNIE
What do you think you’re talking about? You’re DELUSIONAL aren’t you? Isn’t that part of your diagnosis, Deanne? Aren’t you a liar?

DEANNE
Is NOT speaking the truth the same as being a liar?

RONNIE
(Deanne stares at her, hurt. Ronnie stares back. A pause.)
I shouldn’t have called you that. I’m sorry,

DEANNE
Oh , Ronnie, your cruelty is refreshing…I bet there’s plenty more where that came from.

RONNIE
You zap me after I just apologized?

DEANNE
God, no. It was an actual moment of loving you!

RONNIE
That didn’t feel like…

DEANNE
You gave me a glimpse of the real you! Not this construct you cart around while the REAL self you abdicated gathers mold in the basement of HIS house!

RONNIE
Are you talking about me? Or you?

SONG # 8 WHEN I KNEW (DUET)
(Deanne & Ronnie)

DEANNE
(VERSE 1)
IT WAS A DAY TOO HOT FOR THE DOGS TO BARK
WHEN YOU KNEW
IT WAS A DAY THE FISH HELD STILL IN THE DARK
AND TANGLED POOLS OF THE WATER

(Verse 2)
I HAD TAKEN A SWIM, YOU SAT THERE NEXT TO HIM
I COULD FEEL YOU LOOK DOWN, YOU WERE HOPING I’D DROWN
THAT’S THE DAY YOU KNEW
THAT’S THE WAY WHEN YOU KNEW

RONNIE(SPOKEN)
Oh, C’mon Deanne. We were just watching you swim…I didn’t wanna get in? So what?

DEANNE(SPOKEN)
Don’t act so innocent.

RONNIE
YOU HELD THE BRANCH OF THAT TREE, STARING DAGGERS AT ME
I NEVER KNEW
JUST SITTING WITH DAD, TELL ME WHAT WAS SO BAD
I NEVER KNEW

DEANNE
(IT)WASN’T DAGGERS YOU SAW, I WAS SHIVERING CRYING
BUT YOU STAYED THERE WITH HIM, WAS IT SO SATISFYING?
AND WE KNEW…I WAS DIFFERENT FROM YOU

(BRIDGE) RONNIE
ONE DAY AT A POND, WAS ALL HE WOULD GIVE, SEE
STILL HIS SILENCE AND BOREDOM WITH ME
HE’D STARE AT THE WATERS TILL YOU WOULD APPEAR
AND RETURN TO LIFE SO SUDDENLY

RONNIE(SUNG)
YOU KNOW HE’d LIGHT UP WHEN YOU’D ENTER THE ROOM

DEANNE
(Spoken)HE WAS LIT YOU MEAN

RONNIE
IT DIDN’T STOP YOU
YOU’D EAT HIS ATTENTION, WHILE I DISAPPEARED
DIDN’T MATTER WHAT I’D SAY,WHAT I’D DO
NOT TO HIM… NOT TO YOU

(VERSE 4) RONNIE
I FELT UGLY AND SMALL, HE DIDN’T SEE ME AT ALL
HE NEVER KNEW
I WAS NICE, I WAS GOOD, DOING ALL THAT I SHOULD
TO MAKE HIM CALL ME DAUGHTER

(VERSE 5)
WHILE YOU VAMPED AND SASHAYED , I WAS THERE EVERY DAY
TRYING TO FIX WHAT WAS WRONG
WHEN OUR MOTHER WAS GONE
BUT HE NEVER KNEW
HE WAS FIXED ALWAYS ON YOU…

(A pause—Ronnie picks up her purse to leave. She is horrified by the reality of what they have both shared)

RONNIE

Why didn’t you tell anybody?

DEANNE
(Cooly) Why didn’t you?

RONNIE
(Ronnie grabs her purse..and hurries to the door) I gotta go, Deanne. (She exits)

DEANNE
Ronnie? (Ronnie Exits)(Deanne turns to stare at remaining pillows on the floor)
How you doin’ Daddy.

(As Deanne approaches a stool she asks the bartender for a drink)

DEANNE
Can I get a Maker’s rocks, water back please? (Reaches for ashtray) Sorry.

COLIN
What are you sorry for?

DEANNE
Excuse me?

COLIN
What are you saying, you’re “sorry” for?

DEANNE
It’s just words.

COLIN
That’s the point… “Just words” doesn’t mean shit. If you throw away all your “I’m sorries” to strangers at bars, you’re not gonna have nothin’ left if you ever mean it.

DEANNE
For Christ’s sake.

COLIN
Don’t “for Christ’s sake me” like you’re so fed up. I’m not your boyfriend. I’m not your husband.
DEANNE
(Incredulous) Hey, YOU’RE starting with me! I’m sitting here, and I’m trying to show you some respect, when I had to reach across…

COLIN
My face.

DEANNE
It wasn’t your face!

COLIN
It was my face.

DEANNE
I didn’t reach across your face! I’m sorry!

COLIN
There it is again. What did you do then?

DEANNE
I don’t know. I don’t give a shit. Your chest..your place..forget it…I wish I hadn’t said a word. Give me that ashtray and go away.

COLIN
I’m not going away. I picked this chair because I want to be right here.

DEANNE
Well you picked that chair, and you’re picking a fight, and you can pick your nose for all I care, cause I’m staying the hell here too. So don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me.

COLIN
How can I not look at you?

DEANNE
(Lights a cigarette) Fuck this.

(LONG SILENCE)

COLIN
How can I not look at you?

DEANNE
Just keep that bowling ball you call your head facing that-a-way…toward the pins.

COLIN
(Takes a moment, reacting to her slam) You’re missing the point.

DEANNE
What’s your point? This should be good.

COLIN
You’re good to look at.

DEANNE
(Sarcastic) Oh, do you think?

COLIN
Funny. I’m bein’ nice now.

DEANNE
Don’t be nice.

COLIN
I’m not bullshittin’. I think you’re a great looking person.

DEANNE
I don’t care what you think.

COLIN
You should.

DEANNE
Should what?

COLIN
You should care what I’m saying to you. I started out caring what you said to me.

DEANNE
Yeah? Well shut up more. Care less.

COLIN
You say shut up a lot? (Deanne doesn’t respond) You shouldn’t say shut-up to people.

DEANNE
So according to the laws of… (Indicates she doesn’t know his name)

COLIN
Colin. What do they call you?

DEANNE
Deanne. So according to, Colin something, and his great best-seller, THE TALKIN’ LAWS, you’re never supposed to say, I’m sorry, and you’re never supposed to say, shut-up, and you NEVER NEVER reach for an ashtray across somebody’s…

COLIN
Face.

DEANNE
SPACE! Instead, he says that…no he advises that you…

COLIN
I’m just sayin’ that people should pay attention to what they say. That you should.
DEANNE
You should.
COLIN
I was interested in you. So I paid attention.

DEANNE
Well, that’s a nasty-ass way to pay attention to a “great lookin’” person like me. Lemme tell ya great pundit, you’re style of attention needs work. You know it might do you a lot of good to read Colin something’s new one. The Talkin’ Laws. Have you heard of it?

COLIN
No, but I’m nuts about your first one, Keep Pushin’.

DEANNE
Move if you don’t like me.

COLIN
I do.

DEANNE
(Breaks into sarcastic laugh) I now pronounce us man and wife.

COLIN
I bet you’ve heard those words a lot.

DEANNE
Now, see here Colin- the- colon, I was just gonna warm things up, and you start slamming me again.

COLIN
You’re not married?

DEANNE
You’re saying I’m the promiscuous bride?

COLIN
I’m not callin’ you a slut. I asked you if you were married?

DEANNE
Then why would I be here NOT flirting with you? And I didn’t say “slut”, I said promiscuous.

COLIN
If the rubber fits?

DEANNE
(Stunned a minute) You’re funny. You got a mouth on you.
COLIN
(He reaches to put a finger on her mouth) You got a mouth too.

DEANNE
(Grabs his wrist to remove his hand) Hey, don’t touch me. (Long pause) So what is it…do we like each other or not?
COLIN
(Takes his time) We’re interested. Kinda curious.(She’s obviously put off by his restrained response) What’s up? Need time to reload?

DEANNE
I got all the ammo I need.

COLIN
I can see that.

DEANNE
That’s good.

COLIN
You’re good.

DEANNE
I am good.

COLIN
How’d you get so good.

DEANNE
Good teachers I guess.

COLIN
Like who?

DEANNE
Oh I’m my father’s daughter.

COLIN
Took you under his wing, huh?

DEANNE
Yeah, something like that.

COLIN
Yeah, my old man taught me good, too.
DEANNE
I don’t know what we’re talking about anymore.

COLIN
You don’t know , or you don’t like what we’re talkin’ about.
DEANNE
Both.
COLIN
Hey, I tried.
DEANNE
(Silence) That’s it? You’re done?
COLIN
Why should I keep going? I don’t know when the next unkind thing is gonna come outta…
DEANNE
Did I just hear you right? Did you just use the word unkind?

COLIN
Yeah.
DEANNE
Now you just don’t seem like that kinda guy.

COLIN
Whaddaya mean by that exactly?

DEANNE
Kind? Unkind?
COLIN
What’s your point?

DEANNE
Well, I didn’t take you for such a soft-hearted little lamb.

(Colin makes a sudden shift)

COLIN
Who the fuck told you to “take me” for anything? Huh? We go a few rounds for ten stinkin’ minutes in some lousy bar and you think you know a thing about me? ”I didn’t take you for a”… You better get the safety fixed on that mouth of yours.

DEANNE
(Deanne listens passively to his rant) So, there’s something then?

(Musical Bridge NOW YOU’VE DONE IT) Colin places a phone number in Deanne’s Blouse)
End of scene

SONG #1 NOW YOU’VE DONE IT (ENSEMBLE)

(CHORUS)
NOW YOU’VE DONE IT
YOU HAVE OPENED ME WIDE
NOW YOU’VE DONE IT
YOU CAN’T PUT ME BACK INSIDE
NOW YOU’VE DONE IT
THE CITY’S OPENED ME WIDE
NOW YOU’VE DONE IT
I CANT STOP THIS WILD RIDE

(VERSE 1)
SOME OF US BORN HERE SOME OF US NOT
THE CITY BECOMES HER, THE ONE MEAN MOTHER YOU’VE GOT
THE DIRT AND THE DANGER, YOU KNOW YOU’RE ALONE
YOU LIVE LIKE A STRANGER, CUBBY CORNER YOUR HOME
TIRED/WORN/SCARED TO THE BONE

(FULL CHORUS)
(DESCANT) IT’S THE CITY THAT SAYS YOU’RE THE WORLD BABY
AN ANSWER, A PRAYER, SOUL -SLAYER

(VERSE 2)
LIKE CROWS ON A WIRE WE LINE UP AT THE BARS
DRUG-STAINED FINGERS COUNTING NEON STARS
WE ARE FALLING CHILDREN-THE BOWERY OUR FERTILE FIELD
FORCED TO ULEARN WHAT WE THOUGHT WAS REAL

(CHORUS)
NOW YOU’VE DONE IT YOU HAVE OPENED ME WIDE
NOW YOU’VE DONE IT YOU CANT PUT ME BACK INSIDE
NOW YOU’VE DONE THE CITY HAS OPENED ME WIDE
NOW YOU’VE DONE IT I CAN’T STOP THIS WILD RIDE

(BRIDGE)
RETRIEVING WHAT WE WANT TO BE THERE
NEED TO BE THERE
ACHE TO BE CARED FOR….
ONCE YOU START IT ENGAGES YOUR HEART
IT FITS LIKE A NOOSE BUT YOU DONT CUT IT LOOSE

(CHORUS)
(IT’S THE CITY THAT SAYS IM THE WORLD, BABY
ITS AN ANSWER, A PRAYER, A PROMISE, SOUL- SLAYER
(CHORUS) (DESCANT) OH IT’S ALL RIGHT HERE IN THE CITY